Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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