All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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