So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
