I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
