Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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