You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
