this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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