There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
