Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.

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(310): View more from California

I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high

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(252): View more from North Carolina

Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?

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(254): View more from Texas

People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...

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(845): View more from New York

We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.

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(678): View more from Georgia

Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.

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(734): View more from Michigan

Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that

(517): View more from Michigan

Speaking

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(816): View more from Missouri

I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.

(248): View more from Michigan

What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?

(816): View more from Missouri

Honestly that's best case scenario.

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