Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
