Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
