so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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