Sry I called you an 8
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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