id be glad to
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
