sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She needs sedatives and a leash
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
