Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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