She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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