perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
When are your genitals available?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
