people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just found a bag of teeth...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
