and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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