I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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