We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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