The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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