its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
