i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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