We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
