you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
