This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
