just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
even my farts smell like vagina
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
