I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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