If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
