he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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