Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
