I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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