So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
