im drinking this country out of the recession.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
