i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
