Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
