a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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