Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
