Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
