I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude i'm inner monologue high
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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