I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
