I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
