now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
