You smell like a Billy Joel song
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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