So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
