He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
