best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
