She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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