True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
