I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
