Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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