I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Someone came in the potted fern
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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