I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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