why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
