A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
