I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
