if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
