He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
