Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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