The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just come out here and I will go home with you...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
