she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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