omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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