I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
