We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
