Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
