How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
