Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
