Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
