I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
