My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
