I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
