Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
