conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
