That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
