I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
