Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, sorry about rent.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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