the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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