Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
