Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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